There’s been a lot of back and forth going on in my head. Feeling happy then sad,living in a state of plenty and then lack. When I realize that I’m really strong enough but still choose weakness. Experiencing love then hate. I’ve finally realized that I have been avoiding the truth about myself. I’ve been trying to live as though I am someone else. Living my life to please other people and forgetting who I truly am. I can’t really say I know who I am,what I love or hate and the things I really like to do. Most people,like me, try to avoid the truth which is the fact that they do not really know who they really are. They live in a world of make-believe where they pick only the good parts of life to believe in or to hold on to, but what they fail to realize is the fact that they can live in both paradigms and life would still be perfectly fine and beautiful. If we could learn to see beauty or perfection even in the parts of ourselves that we try so hard to avoid.
Telling the truth to ourselves most of the time goes a long way to tackle this problem. You can never always be right,you may be a bad friend sometimes or a bad daughter or son,wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend,sister or brother,colleague or whatever. The main point is to acknowledge your bad or ugly sides and apologise if you have to. You cannot always be right,you just have to free yourself sometimes to acknowledge or come to terms with the reality that you are in the wrong or you cannot know it all.
Try to take sometime to learn from people and who knows,you might just discover some things about yourself that you never knew or noticed. Try to see perfection even in the most vile moments, realize that sometimes the biggest disappointments in life could just be your greatest blessing. Practice patience, practice listening and loving yourself and even others whole heatedly. Learn more about yourself, try to connect deeply to yourself in so many way and find peace within you,that inner peace. Learn what love is and what love is not.
I want to get to that point where I realize that every emotion,every tear,every laughter,every feeling,every calm,peace or adrenaline rush that courses through my body is just perfect. I’m trying to understand and I’m getting to that point where I believe that it’s okay to exude high vibrations and then low vibrations. That phase where I realize that I cannot be kind or true to people if I am not kind and true to myself first which is what really matters. I want to get to the point in life where I stop over thinking and just relax, and go with the flow. When I can reduce my expectations and still not settle for less than I feel I’m deserving of. Living my life in the present,not dwelling on issues of the past or getting worked up over the future. Realizing that there’s no other moment than the “now”.
Making the best out of the time I’ve for at hand, dropping labels and most of all,enjoying this journey of life and self discovery and knowing God has my back.
I’m not there yet,I do not even know if I’m taking the right steps but I’m ready to risk it or rather,enjoy it. You should too.
Ibhanesebhor Anita Chidera